A new me

I've spoken out about my life and testimony maybe a milion times now. I don't hide what i know or what i've experienced, but i don't exactly offer up my life story easily. I've been afraid to tell somebody about my trials and get judgement and rejection in return. So i always wait and watch people before i talk about the real me.
People usually only get to see the scholarly, comical and entertaining part of me.But who is the real me when i'm not on guard? The real me: the person that has strayed from God in rebellion, lived through countless sexual assaults and come back to fall madly in love with Jesus. I have ministry burned in my heart and a love for my Creator that can never be expressed in words. That is the real me. I normally try to hide behind my make up and smile. I try to blend in with everybody else. The thing is...everybody else is doing the same thing. So many people are trying to hide their secrets and keep their shames hidden deep inside as if they are alone and the only person to ever experience their pain. News for you: We are all holding up the same mask, desperately trying to hide our wounds and scars.
Today I participated in the sexual assault demo at school. About 20 women put tape over there mouths and lined the streets. All holding signs with the reasons why people don't speak out when they are sexually assaulted. It was a demo to show how many people are suffering in silence and why they are silent. These victims and victors of sexual assualt, and other abuses, are the everyday faces that we hang out with and have class with.
I prayed for the demo this morning before i left home. I wasn't really worried about it. I planned to speak if i needed to. No big deal I've talked about this stuff countless times before, right? Wrong! I held the big sign that read "Speaking out in Power."

My feet hit the pavement and I began to pace up and down the sidewalk. the other volunteers waited for me to say something. I didn't quite know what to say. I started to shake from head to toe and just yelled in a loud voice that i was a sexual assault survior. Evey word I spoke gave me more freedom. Having the tape off of my mouth after being silent felt great. To be able to shout and tell others about why i chose to prosecute my perpetrator was freeing. So many faces looked so relieved when i said that he is serving 16 yrs in prison for his actions. I shouted that i found freedom from my guilt. I wasn't concerned with who was hearing me. I was hearing me!It was emotional to say the least. I've never shouted about my victory on the streets before. I didn't want to put the tape back on my mouth after that. I can never be silent again. I was a new kind of demo, One who wasn't silent.
The funny thing i was able to smile after that. I smiled in my pictures and encouraged others to speak.
I lost my heavy burden of secrets today! I feel like a whole new person