the girl i wanted to be

I just saw that girl I wanted to be. She’s still gorgeous and popular. Her body is still perfect and her skin is a perfect tan. Her hair is still cute. There are still multiple men falling all over themselves for her. She still has more “friends” that anyone else. She still loves to drink and party. She an amazing student with a high GPA. She does school on Monday, party on saturday, and church on sunday. She has the “good” life. Everybody loves her! What I wanted so bad. To be able to do it all and nothing go bad. But today I looked at her again. This time I really looked at her for the first time in three years. She smiles in every picture but I can see behind the smile. There is no joy there. Just a fake and temporary front. I see her perfectly toned body and wonder if anyone has taken advantage of it while she was drunk. I see all the gorgeous men around her and wonder if any of them poured disease into her. I see her perfect flat tummy and wonder if it cost her an abortion. I see her having what looks like so much fun at school and wonder if she has wasted the most valuable years of her life on a “good time”. I say the most valuable years because college is the time when you are “out from under” your parents but not yet committed to the rest of your life. It’s time to be just be with God and follow his direction. No one or nothing else. Just you and God. Did I really want to trade this time for that? A good time that brings disease, death, and a hidden self? No, I don’t think I want to be that girl anymore.