Wondering in Circles

My mind has been wondering in circles recently. Today mostly about the seperation of church and state, legislation, and our bible. what a difficult area. Why are people trusting me to vote when i can't even figure out how to sort out all of it. I can take a stance based on Word of God but does that violate our seperation of Church and State. How can christian moral legislation be justified with out saying "bc the bible said so!"
I do believe the bible has an anwer or reference for almost everything. Sometimes it's just hard to put that answer or reference into action.
besides, going crazy in thought, i'm super stoked for Thaksgiving to hang with the familia that i am so grateful for and Jesus who i'm kinda crazy about! ;)

An easy day

Today was a pretty easy day. A long day, but i don't mind my work so it's all good. i spent my hours playing w/toddlers and reading an infinate number of Dr. Seuss books. (it's all for the greater good baby, all for the greater good..baha)
I had a chance to spend some 1 on 1 time w/ a co-worker. that was pretty cool. i pretty much blew her mind w/ the funky details of my life. But i never mind talking ab my past bc it gives me a chance to tell the happily ever after ending.
I thought ab my son a lot today. of course i think of him everyday. but today more than the usual. It's so comforting to know that he has a chance for success. but sometimes i am still left wishing i could snuggle w/ him or maybe rock him to sleep. or maybe build some cool stuff w/ his blocks or push him on the swings. i wish i could hear him learning to talk and learning to do new things everyday.

Adoption is self-less. end of story.

to be w/o him is hard. but to see his life unfold in a stable and healthy way is overwhelmingly exciting. i wonder what i would be like if i could have started w/all the advantages that he is getting to start with.
i've been spending this evening on the teetering edge of what to do tonight. Most of my mind tells me to go out for one innocent night of drunken fun. a smaller portion of my mind warns me of what that will cost. i think i'll stay home tonight and study for a bio test on monday. yea...cuz that's what all the coolest people are doing. ha!
no point to this blog. no heavy message on my heart. just looking for an open outlet.

"success means you are at the right place at the right time doing the right thing."
-Chuck D. Pierce

Calling my name

Sometimes I hear them all calling my name. They all lure me in. sometime quickly...sometimes slowly. What is this voice? Who is this voice? What is this familiar sound and ring. it's not quite a voice but yet i don't know anyother way to explain it.

i think it's the voice of my enemy. it's the voice of my persecutors. but wait...who are my persecutors and why do they hate me? i know why...they hate me bc i'm chosen. yes, oh wait, they hate me bc God made me.

So putting a name-to a face-to a voice- Name: Satan. commonly disguised as my persecutors. (cigerattes, promiscuity, lust, perfection, rebellion, stubborness, self-hatred which is surrounded by twisted self-love, Alcohol [me and Cuervo can have some pretty good chats at times], judgement, compromise).

So i say "help, help. Can anybody hear? Does anybody care." Does a friend care enough to say "bad idea man, bad idea"?

I had these thoughts the other day about the people i call "friend." Not one was really bold enough to tell the uncomfortable truth to save my life...at the risk of losing our friendship. No one said..."wait!" don't buy that patron and don't touch the grey goose...you're gonna screw up your life.

Now i'm fine, I've spent sometime realigning myself where i need to be...but not really any thanks to a few friends. ouch! i know that stings. truth is truth. it's thanks to the faithful in my life

Learning and Yearning

Man...i think these last 3 yrs of my life have been the most intense educating experience i will ever have. From abuse to redmeption, death to life, extreme to well...still extreme, from a box to radical, from empty to filled, from from uncompassionate to empathetic. What else? I still want more

.
I've been on a journey that i never anticpated would come my way. i'm not real sure how i got here except...well...Jesus! duh! I'm not sure where I am and i definately don't know where i am going. But i'm lovin the ride. Anybody else know what i mean?
At this point i am left at this hungry state of questioning. Not an undermining kind of questioning but a....please help me understand kind of questioning.
Papa, How will you make something good of this broken place? How will it fit into your Kingdom?
I just got some questions.

Proving God

The other day i sat at work playing with some of the toys there. (i know, it's pretty cool that i get paid to play) These specific group of toys are these cylinder shaped toys made of plastic. They have a magnet on each end. Using the magnet you can connect each cylinder and a couple of balls as well. I sat there playing with the end of the cylinders connecting the magnets. i began to wonder how i knew those magnets are what was causing the cylinders to pull together. Could i really see the magnetic field? i can't see it with my naked eye but i know i could see it using some cool scientific tool. But what if we see the magnetic field and assume that is the cause of the pull but we are all wrong. What if it is something that we havine't been able to see yet is causing the pull between the magnets. Maybe we haven't created the right tool to be able to see this unknown force. If we can't see this force can we really prove this exists or does not exist?

i began talking to my co-worker sitting next to me about my wierd magnetic theory. She of course looked at me like i was crazy and knew that i was obviously to an extrmeme amount of boredom and slightly delusional. then i asked her...."why can't we believe in God but we can believe in magnetic fields? We can't really SEE either one."
she replied with "Well, there is so much about God that people can't prove....so much unknown stuff. You can prove the pull of magnets."
I went home thinking about this. But you know what. i can prove God. I can give you something scientific to study if you would like Him scientifically proven......just check out the miracle of life....conception, birth, and death. Check out the mystery's of the planet Earth. How does this planet exist and how do all the organisms work in such perfect harmony together? Check out the universe and the mysteries of it. There are all kinds of things that can prove God or a higher being. However.......You probably aren't ever going to put a leaf under a microscope and look into the eyepiece and see JESUS. it all takes faith. not even a lot of faith. just a little....maybe as much as a mustard seed.
I've been reading a new book recently and it presented an interesting question to the reader. If we could fully understand God and the way this higher being...is would we still worship God? i argue that we wouldn't. I don't think the human race will ever worship something that has zero mystery.

What I love about God

Often times I find myself going through the motions of life. Sometimes acknowledging God....sometimes not. I mean some mornings i wake up and get right in the Word with my coffee and have a great time in prayer....other mornings i get in the Word and i don't know what to say in prayer.....most often the alarm clock is my enemy and i rush through a short passage and a quick "Thanks God for everything and may your will be done today, Amen" kinda prayer then run out the door. But despite my shortcomings my sweet God is always there, available and on time waiting to spend time with me. Who am I that i deserve such a sweet savior? I don't know anybody who ALWAYS wants to spend time with me and wants me to spend time with them. Even when i don't make Him a priority...I am still His priority. How amazing is that?

No matter how far i stray or how much i allow my heart to harden i always find my very best-friend waiting for me. When i come back and say "i'm sorry i let this world come before you" he says "it's ok...come sit with me...i've really missed our time together." Jesus is my relentless savior. He has never given me up without a fight. He sends angels to war on my behalf and he sends provisions to strengthen me daily. My God is full of lovingkindness and that's what i love about Him the most.
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So this my crazy friend Leanne. she's pretty awesome. she came to town and we pretty much rocked denton and dallas. these poor little towns didn't know what they had comin. And for the record...yes, that is my foot. and yes, i am trying to force her to eat it.





So...everybody who loves my fly cowgirl hat say "I do"..(my voice in background - I do!). Hey girls i can so see me rockin this hat at Red River. bahahaha

Why yes i do think Rhianna made a mistake on her song. it should have never been Disturbia. it really should have be "stir me up" and i secretly sing those words when the song comes on...and i do this dance too!